This Liberal Law Professor Just Explained Why The Solar Eclipse Is “Racist” … Yes, Really

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With all the hubbub about today’s solar eclipse, politics have been brushed aside on Facebook news feeds if only for a day or so. The first solar eclipse to hit the United States in decades, and now Lefists are even claiming that this natural occurrence is racist. I wish I was making this up, but one Brooklyn Law School professor is convinced that the solar eclipse is in fact racist.

Professor Alice Ristroph wrote a 4,544 word essay in The Atlantic in order to explain why the natural occurrence of the moon blocking the sun was “racist.”

She wrote, “on August 21, 2017, a total solar eclipse will arrive mid-morning on the coast of Oregon. The moon’s shadow will be about 70 miles wide, and it will race across the country faster than the speed of sound, exiting the eastern seaboard shortly before 3 p.m. local time. it has been dubbed the Great American Eclipse, and along most of its path, there live almost no black people.”

Uh, is this lady for real? So, let me get this straight… the solar eclipse, actually mother nature herself, is racist? I’ll try to contain my laughter.

Conservative Tribune wrote:

The movements of the firmament are indeed unconcerned with white privilege, although one would imagine Ristroph would be aware of this. To be fair, Ristroph does note that, “(p)resumably, this is not explained by the implicit bias of the solar system. It is a matter of population density, and more specifically geographic variations in population density by race, for which the sun and the moon cannot be held responsible.

Ristroph continued, “still, an eclipse chaser is always tempted to believe that the skies are relaying a message.”

Conservative Tribune reported:

Among some of the problematic exclusions the eclipse will alight upon: Oregon, a blue state which had “a provision in the original state constitution of 1857 that prohibited any ‘free Negro or Mulatto’ from entering and residing in the state”; Wyoming and Idaho, which don’t have many minorities and most of those are “Latino, American Indian, and Alaskan”; rural Illinois, where the KKK used to be very active; Leavenworth, Kansas, where “the percentage of blacks among all federal prisoners is close to 40 percent” (all innocent, of course); Missouri, home of the Missouri Compromise, and the Deep South, which… well, do you really need to ask?

While not a particularly difficult article to understand, the overarching argument Ristroph makes is about as coherent as a Pynchon novel is to a second-grader. (For its medium, it’s also about as long, although nowhere near as well-written.) Nearest I can understand it, it’s basically that the Electoral College and two senators per state is a very, very bad thing that disenfranchises African-Americans and stuff. That doesn’t have an awful lot to do with the sun and moon, but people got tired of hearing liberal whingebags rant about the Senate and Electoral College by last December, so I’m guessing leaning on the eclipse for a news peg was the only way she could get her missive published.

Ristroph stated, “the shadow of the moon doesn’t care where it falls or who lives below. And in certain respects, the federal government designed in our Constitution doesn’t care where people live, either.”

Oh brother. This lady has got to be kidding. Please, someone tell me she’s kidding. Did she just say that our founding fathers set up the solar eclipse to be racist?

Ristroph described this as a negative, because it gives only certain states specific rights. She said “the equal power of states was enshrined at a time when states served white people, and never since have states’ rights been a particularly effective mechanism for racial equality.” Ristroph teaches in New York state, but it’s been made clear that she doesn’t feel that the state’s autonomy allowed students to be liberal enough when it comes to race.

Ristroph went on to say, “but perhaps the strange path of the eclipse suggests a need for reorganization. We have figured out, more or less, how to count every person. We have not yet found a political system in which every person counts equally.”

The point of a sizable federal republic that is required to balance state and federal issues isn’t quite what Ristroph explained. Her arguments that the whole solar eclipse was set up on purpose to be unfair to African-Americans is ridiculous. Although it was hilarious that someone actually took the time to write a 4,500 word essay on why a natural occurrence is racist, I still have a hard time understanding why someone would waste their time making a fool of themselves.

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